I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
