oh god the rape fog is back!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
