Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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