you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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