When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
