i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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