someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
