i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
