If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
