First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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