Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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