hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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