this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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