I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
