Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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