Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
