Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
