new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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