Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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