too bad you live with your parents still
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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