that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
