Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I smell stomach acid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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