She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
