Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
