hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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