Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
