Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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