you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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