she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
