I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
