my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
