i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
