The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
