I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
