I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize