dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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