remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
