my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
