I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
