I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
