he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
