I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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