who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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