I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
