fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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