I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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