So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
