So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
