Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
