My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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