Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
