dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
