I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
