It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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