Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
