i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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