it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My pussy is not your playground.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
