Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
