So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
